I remember it was the last day of graduation festivities. Most everyone’s families had headed home. I was at the boys’ house, sitting at their kitchen table, when all of a sudden this sad, heavy feeling landed in my stomach. It just hit me out of nowhere: this is it. This is likely the last time we’ll all be together like this. It’s going to be different from now. Its not ever going to be like college again.

I have a hard time describing what college life was like. It had its trouble and stresses and worries, but my friends made that disappear in an instant. There was something about living with such great friends that always seemed to put a positive and light-hearted spin on any situation. There was always someone there. And let’s be real, our responsibilities were pretty meager – we were living the easy life.

I’ve never felt such a sudden truth like that before. And oh man was it true. It hasn’t been like that since college. After graduation my friends scattered across the country (and the globe!). A smaller group of us spent one last summer in our college town, soaking up all that we could before we figured out our next move. It was the best summer! We spent our days playing cards, drinking beers in the backyard, and of course applying to jobs. But summer ended, I moved back home, jobless, and the reality of life after college began to sink-in.

The job hunt was terrible (I applied to over 50 jobs in one month and didn’t hear back from any of them. Not a real confidence booster for a college grad living with her parents), but the destruction of my social life was worse. I went from being surrounded by 20 of my closest friends everyday to living in a town that shuts down at 6pm and having approximately 3 friends within the same zip code. My life had changed and I was feeling the growing pains of adulthood. Questions began to swirl. How do you maintain long-distance friendships? How do you make new friends, so you are not hanging out on your computer every night? What if I don’t want to make new friends?! What if I just want all my old friends to move into my parent’s house with me?

Now, five years later, I feel like I continue to struggle with friendships. I wasn’t able to fully answer all those questions (unfortunately I couldn’t convince anyone else to move into my parent’s house with me). But I’ve loved seeing where life has taken my college friends – careers have skyrocketed, amazing travels have shaped new dreams, significant others have come and gone, even higher education has been achieved, engagements and weddings have taken place. We’ve managed to stay in touch and we do see each other more than I thought we would (the scattering has reeled back in a little, thank god!), but that truth I felt at the boys’ kitchen table is still true – it’s not the same. Of course, there are reasons I am glad its not the same – by body can’t handle beer in such copious amounts anymore, and I have grown into more of an adult and enjoy certain responsibilities, I mean, shoot, I got married! But there are times when I miss the same.